A friend once asked me what do you think is most important thing when two people get along with each other?
I said three views.
Only users with same three views can chat and get together.
Two days ago, this friend asked me another question: "I agree with her, but why didn't I read it to end?"
In fact, we all know that two people can come together by starting with three looks. But two people with same three views can part for other reasons.
Love that can really go all way must often be tested by these "three tests".
01. In love, most important thing is not to get tired of getting along
Rao Xueman said: "Love is most accommodating thing in this world."
When you love someone, you unconsciously compromise for them and do things for them, fearing that they will suddenly frown or leave without preparation. But more time for placement, it will make people feel that love is very tiring.
Today, a friend of mine chatted with me on WeChat. She said that she and her boyfriend have been together for six years, and have been in a long-distance relationship for five years. This year she went to work in his boyfriend's city. I thought that two people who have been in different places for a long time should appreciate time spent together more. Unexpectedly, after they got along, contradiction between them became even greater.
A friend said that sometimes she doesn't feel like her boyfriend appreciates her. I don't reply to messages I send, take her to parties to talk and laugh with friends, leaving her aside, sometimes I lose my temper at her for no reason ... She is very hurt, but every time she will come up with all kinds of excuses for her boyfriend : Maybe he doesn't appreciate her, but he just doesn't know how to love her.
She asked me what should I do?
Surrender without reconciliation, because so many years have passed;
Continue feeling too tired again.
The problem of friends that many people face when they are in love.
Obviously, he didn't need it, but he just decided on it. In end, he was badly injured, so he had to make a difficult choice between leaving and persevering.
In fact, during this process they all forgot their original intention of falling in love, perhaps they just felt very happy to be with him. In beginning they had a lot of good moments, but later on good times are only a memory.
So I started to give in to regain sweetness I once had, so love got more and more tired and getting along got more and more tired.
We need to know one thing: a long-term and stable relationship should be comfortable and convenient for both parties. After all, Only if you don't get tired of getting along can you get along for a long time.
When René Liu married Zhong Xiaojiang, many wondered why she chose Zhong Xiaojiang. Liu Ruoying said, "Because I feel very comfortable with him."
Comfort is most important state in love.
Compared to courtesy, love that doesn't get tired of getting along lasts longer.
02. When you get married, there is more responsibility than love
Why are you getting married?
I believe that many people will choose love.
However, In marriage, apart from love, there is more responsibility.
In movie "Wuwen Xidong" there is a passage in which Liu Shufen asks Xu Bochang and says, "You said you want to marry me and live with me for rest of your life."
At that time, Xu Bochang said, "Can't people change? Why can other things be changed, but this one can't be changed?"
This sentence that Xu Bochan asked is very inappropriate in my opinion.
Before wedding, Xu Bochan promised to marry Liu Shufeng, which he later fulfilled. After getting married, Xu Bochang, who had no feelings for Liu Shufen, began to use domestic violence against Liu Shufen, and Liu Shufen gradually became grumpy. This marriage, in fact, existed only nominally.
It's sad to say that Xu Bochan's obsession with feelings led to this situation. He felt that if relationship ended, there would be no need to continue marriage.
Very helpless, but also very selfish.
There is a thread on Zhihu about marriage responsibility, City Hunter responder said:
“A man who has been married for ten years may meet tomorrow, on a certain occasion, a woman who is more attractive than his wife, but he cannot tomorrow meet a new woman who is more tender than his wife. "
In same way, a responsible person may meet in his life a person who is closer in spirit than a pillow person, but he cannot shake his marriage because of this. And for those who can’t stand it and decide to get a divorce, most of reasons are due to neglect of responsibility. Cheating, domestic violence, lack of communication, lack of intention, etc. are all negligent.
So, when you get married, you must understand that if you want your marriage to last, you must have a sense of responsibility.
As Xi Juan said: "Marriage is first and foremost a responsibility."
When you get married, you must take on this responsibility.
03. During childbirth, relationship between husband and wife is higher than relationship with children
This is a very strange phenomenon: for many couples, after giving birth, center of life begins to revolve around child.
Of course, this is understandable.
But sometimes they will ignore their husbands and wives because of this.
I have a friend who treats her husband this way. After giving birth, she devoted all her attention to caring for child: when child was small, she took care of his life, when child grew up, she took care of his studies and growth.
In their family, relationship with parents and children is more important than relationship between husband and wife. And this also led to fact that communication between husband and her became less and less. Gradually, two became speechless, but often lost their temper over small things.
Living under same roof every day is a chicken-and-egg fight.
She couldn't understand it, so she came up to me and asked why she did so much for this family, but she did it anyway.
It is true that she cared deeply for this family, but her intentions were in wrong direction. In family structure, husband and wife are center of gravity. Only by balancing relationship between husband and wife, family can be harmonious and happy.
Du Jiang and Ho Xiang did a good job on this issue.
In episode "Father Returns", Du Jiang came home from work, entered door, saw his wife and children, and immediately hugged Huo Xian.
In everyday life, when his son, uh-huh, has a temper tantrum with Huo Xiang, Du Jiang will bring up uh-huh from his wife's point of view. Husband and wife love each other very much, and grow up in such an atmosphere of love, yes, their hearts are always soft and sunny.
After watching series, you will find that he has a high emotional intelligence, he knows how to take care of his mother and knows how to be grateful to his father. very soulful.
Perhaps this applies to children raised by love.
Parents love their children and know how to love each other.
And this is also an integral part of long-term stable development of two people.
At beginning of love, we look forward to one who will accompany us for rest of our lives. However, we all know that falling in love is easy, but staying together is hard.
To achieve lasting love, you need to go through three stages: fall in love, get married and have children.
Some people get stuck before wedding, and some people end up halfway through. It's only after you've gone through these three break-in periods that you may find it's easy to get old.
I'm unintentional, follow me if you like me
Intentionally plant flowers and flowers won't bloom, but inadvertently plant willows and willows to create shade
No heart, no soul, never gets old and never dies